What’s your favorite movie genre? I am going to assume like many you love romantic comedies. You are enchanted by the idea that there is one magical person out there waiting to fall in love with you. This person will love you in ways that no one else can love you. I am sorry but your favorite romance film lied to you. The media has constructed this false belief that everyone has a soul mate somewhere in this world that they have to find. However, would you believe me if I told you that you have already found your soul mate? You probably would not. Because no one has ever told you that YOU are your soul mate. The term soul mate is often defined as an individual that you feel deeply connected to. The media has taught us to look for love externally. However, there is nothing more pivotal than learning to love your self internally. Do not get me wrong there may be an individual on this earth who is ready to love you unconditionally. However, the media has failed to tell you, before you find romantic love you should learn to love yourself. To many the concept of adoring thyself seems pretty simplistic. But, I promise you it is a very complicated process. However, once you learn to love yourself unconditionally you will feel powerful, liberated, and you will welcome more love into your life. If you are single consider taking these seven simple steps before you envisage entering a relationship.
1. Start Journaling:
The beautiful thing about journaling is you are able to document your growth. There is nothing better than seeing how your thoughts, beliefs, and behavioral patterns change over time. Consider journaling as a tool for self-expression. I promise you as you write down your personal thoughts and feelings you will learn things about yourself that you never knew before.
2. Try the “Who the bleep am I challenge!”
You will be surprised how little you know about yourself. Once a month answer these questions:
Ø Who am I alone behind close doors when I am stripped from my titles and positions at work and school?
Ø What do you want out of life?
Ø What is your favorite color?
Ø Who is your best friend?
Ø What new song are you loving this month?
Ø What are you current goals?
Ø What is a personal issue that you need to work on?
3. Take yourself out on a couple of dates!
Ironically, we think it's weird when people spend time alone. We make fun of people when they go to a restaurant and ask for a table for one. However, I urge that before entering a new relationship take yourself to the movies and try going to a fancy restaurant by yourself, consider indulging in a lovely glass of wine (if you are twenty one and older of course). Remember when we spend time alone we discover who we truly are.
The goal of meditation is to silence the consistent distractive noise in your mind. Through meditation we become connected to the spirit. Try meditating twice a day. Ideally you should meditate in the morning before you start your day and at night before you go to sleep. There are proven scientific benefits of meditation. According to scientist meditation improves concentration and reduces stress. Meditating can help clear the mind. It is pivotal that you spend sometime everyday in silence, doing absolutely nothing so that your goals and desires become more transparent.
5. Spice Up Your Life
As people of color we consistently stick to routines. Before we even think about entering a new relationship I dare you to do something that you have never done before. If you do not dance well consider enrolling in a dance class. If you do not cook well consider buying a cheap cooking book and learn how to perfect a particular meal.
6. Give Back to Your Community
It is important to understand that all human beings are connected to one another. How you treat others symbolize how you value yourself. Nothing opens up your heart more than advocating for causes that are dear to your heart and working with communities that you believe that you are apart of. For example if you identify as a queer male of color you can consider volunteering at centers that service homeless disadvantage LGBT youth. Here are some ways you can give back to your community:
· Volunteer at homeless shelters
· Volunteer at soup kitchens
· Tutor younger students at a school or after school program
· Volunteer at a hospital
· Volunteer at an animal shelter
7. Treat Yourself
Reward yourself with something nice EVERYDAY! It’s sad we often solely celebrate ourselves on our birthdays and when we accomplish great things. Remember that your existence on this earth is a gift to everyone around you. Treating yourself does not mean you buy yourself expensive things only. Rewarding oneself can take the forms of:
· Eating one's favorite food
· Buying nice socks or underwear from one's favorite store
· Watching one's favorite TV show or movie
· Taking oneself out to the movies or a restaurant
· Going to karaoke with one's best friends
· Attending bible study
· Attending meditation
· Reading a great book
· Playing video games
After taking these seven steps I promise you that you will feel more connected to yourself. You will start to radiate love and you will attract the love that you want into your life. It is pivotal that you fall in love with yourself, so that you recognize the power that you have always had. You are a spiritual being that is connected to an infinite source of power and remember you come from legacies of gold.