You have longed for someone to come into your life and relight a spark that has dimmed. It’s been years since you entered your last relationship. You feel unlovable and hope to find a partner who will appreciate you for everything you are and everything you are not. Finally, an individual disguised as the right person knocks on your door. You are excited because it’s been months since you’ve had any kind of romantic affection. Once plans for a date are solidified, you call every single one of your friends and tell them the news:
“I think I’ve met the perfect person for me.”
The date happens. The conversation flows naturally. Even though you know that your potential love interest is decent looking they transform into the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid eyes on. The date is finishing up and you usually don’t do this, but in your mind something about this person feels different. You go back to their house and suspend all of your sexual rules. For a moment it felt as if you’ve never been more connected with someone in your life. After the encounter you hope to hangout regularly. However, they begin to dodge your calls. You start to get anxious, but you make excuses for them.
“She has a lot going on with school right now.”
Then finally, the person who you thought you were madly in love with tells you:
“I’m sorry I’m just not that into you.”
Sadly, you begin to question your self worth. You wonder if you are smart enough or attractive enough. You fall into a pit of self doubt
If this story sounds familiar to you, most likely you broke your own heart way before you went on the date.
You broke your own heart by:
1. Planning forever with someone you don’t really know. Understand that you are always more than enough. Going on a date with someone does not necessarily = forever.
2. Putting your date on a pedestal. Always be kind and gracious. However, remember it is important to get to know if someone is worth your best before you give it to them.
3. Allowing our sense of worth to be determined by how someone else feels about us. DON’T EVER TIE YOUR SENSE OF WORTH TO HOW SOMEONE ELSE FEELS ABOUT YOU. Life is all about rejection. Our parents reject our wishes when we are children and we have all been rejected from a job or two. When someone tells you they do not like you it does not mean you’re not a beautiful soul. It simply means you are not the right person for that particular individual at this time. I dare you to keep putting yourself out there. Finding a partner is all about having the strength to give love a try again and again and again.
4. Ignoring non verbal cues. Some of us are crazy in the sense that we can tell by someone’s nonverbal actions that they’re not into us the way that we are into them. The person may:
a. Ignore our text messages or phone calls
b. Respond to us solely at their convenience
c. Dodge us every time we try to hangout with them
5. Turning a blind eye to red flags. The universe drop pebbles before the brick falls and hits us on the head. When getting to know someone, do not ignore small things about them that are alarming. Trust that what appears to be small right now, may manifest into a larger problem later.
Make it your mission to enter every new situation with your heart whole. When your heart is truly whole you have the understanding that even if a particular situation does not work out you are still filled with love. Declare some rules for yourself.
Here are some rules that I recently developed:
1. Pay close attention to red flags, if the flags are too alarming, do not continue to build with this person.
2. If you feel like you are reaching out to the person and they fail to actively try to communicate with you, fall back!
3. Understand a date is simply a date, nothing may come out of it other than a great meal.
4. Never be afraid to let go!
5. Trust your gut.
6. Don’t make ridiculous excuses for someone who you just met.
Create rules for yourself so that your heart stays whole. Remember no one in this life is ever going to love you the way that you love you, so don’t make the mistake of breaking your own heart.